Adam Sandler claims to know the real reason his last few movies have been duds. My vote was on “wiener waving.” (Holy Moly)

How to make a stupid chick flick even stupider? Throw Mariah Carey’s music video director into the mix. (Pajiba)

There’s a tranny on the next season of America’s Next Top Model! I suppose this would be relevant if anybody still watched America’s Next Top Model. (Websters)

Denise Richards says she will do “anything” to boost ratings for her new show. That means “three-way anal” in my book. Case closed! (The Blemish)

This picture would be hilariously ironic if Britney Spears actually knew what those words meant. (MollyGood)

Dita von Teese showers her beaver. Or maybe that’s her meerkat. (The Rad Report)

Amazing your friends with your Kim Kardashian Ass Detective-ing skills! (CityRag)

Madonna buys herself another piece of take-home Africa. (CelebNewsWire)

Jenny McCarthy gets her bikini on. (Egotastic)

Casey Aldridge cheats on Jamie Lynn — and the slut tells all in this week’s In Touch! (CelebSlam)

Billy Bob Thorton as Freddy Krueger? (Seriously? OMG)

Peg-leg Katie is back! (CelebWarship)

Stop the tweenophilia madness, America! (College Candy)

Sorry for the lack of updates today, kiddies. The bad news is I have a massive inner ear infection that required the lancing of my tympanic membrane this afternoon. The good news is they gave me Vicodin. Silver lining, baby!