JLo’s Triathalon Is More Important Than Michael Phelps
Tags: Jennifer Lopez, michael phelps, triathlon
Jennifer Lopez wants you to know it’s about time you stopped watching the stupid Olympics and paid attention to her and her upcoming triathlon. Phelps who? It’s Jenny from the Block, dummies! According to MSNBC
Lopez, who appeared on “Good Morning America” Aug. 18 to discuss her preparations for the Malibu Triathlon, was overheard saying after the segment that she “couldn’t understand why everyone is talking about that swimmer,” according to a GMA source. “She couldn’t come up with (eight-time gold-medal winner Michael) Phelps’ name, and then she yammered on about how she was the one training for a triathlon just six months after giving birth, and how that was the big story right now, not ‘the swimmer.’ ”
Okay, let’s see. Some Michael Phelps facts:
1. If you look into the eye of a hurricane you will see Michael Phelps swimming.
2. Newton’s First Law is wrong: Even if an external force is applied to Michael Phelps he will remain in the Michael Phelps state of motion.
3. Water drinks Michael Phelps.
4. Every time you see a shooting star you are really watching Michael Phelps train in space.
5. Aquaman wears Michael Phelps underwear.
6. Newborn dolphins learn to swim by watching footage of Michael Phelps.
7. Michael Phelps doesn’t swim through water, water gets out of his way.
And now, for some Jennifer Lopez facts:
1. Jennifer Lopez can eat her weight in gouda.
2. Jennifer Lopez once crushed a folding chair with her ass.
3. Jennifer Lopez can fart Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star.
4. Jennifer Lopez comes with saddlebags and paunch attachments.
The only way Jennifer Lopez will ever beat Michael Phelps at anything is if it involves eating her way out of a trough full of bacon, Fanta, and Christmas hams. And to the best of my knowledge, that kind of trough only exists in Britney Spears’ imagination. Plus, Michael Phelps doesn’t look like a big doughy pear in spandex. Advantage: Michael Phelps.
9 Comments, Comment or Ping
Dani
Whatever, Michael Phelps eats 12,000 calories a day, he’d win that bacon trough contest hands down, in world record style.
Aug 19th, 2008
%#@!
true dani very true her fat ass couldn’t beat him in anything
Aug 19th, 2008
bionic bunny
8. michael phelps can cure cancer.
vs.
5. jlo controls the living dead (apparently).
Aug 19th, 2008
K
ROFL!!!
You MADE my day. I am glad that someone she her for what she is - a self-centered, egomaniacal, unintelligent, prig whose only talent is making headlines for who she is doing/dating/married to.
Anyone with a working uterus can give birth, but it takes a REAL woman to be a REAL mother and not hire a slew of nannies to raise your kids. It also takes real talent, determination, and dedication to achieve eight gold medals in one Olympics.
Aug 19th, 2008
abby
Maybe you’re right. I should have made the trough a trough of bitchy useless twatiness. Then she could actually beat him at something.
Aug 19th, 2008
eg
All these attention whores are pissed at the olympics.
Just shows how narcissistic these people are.
Someone should tell her that she’s no celeb. Her career = dead.
Aug 19th, 2008
AAL
Right on EG!
Aug 20th, 2008
Haley
Sweet, I officially don’t like her now.
And ps, I absolutely LOVE the Chuck Norris-style Phelps Facts. Flippin’ awesome.
Also, does anyone else see this whole triathlon thing as a desperate plea for attention? I mean, what else has she done recently? Besides crank out those two grease balls…
Aug 20th, 2008
Ellie
Wow. I just had to read it to believe it. What an idiot.
Sep 16th, 2008
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