Alyssa Milano = naked!! (Mr.Skin)

Hayden Panettiere = cock-blocker! (CelebNewsWire)

Kristin Cavallari = drunk! (The Blemish)

Holly Madison see through panty upskirt! (Dirty Rotten Whore)

The new 90210 is atrocious in that Lifetime movie kind of way. (Pajiba)

LeAnn Rimes is still alive! And, apparently, the face of something! (Holy Moly)

Carrie Underwood totally called Jessica Simspon fat! (Bricks and Stones)

Miley Cyrus gets this much closer to official sex tape stardom. (Ninja Dude)

Harry Potter totally lost his virginity to a Mrs. Robinson! Coo-coo-ca-choo! (MollyGood)

I told you Jennifer Lopez could fart “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star!” And you didn’t believe me. For shame. (Websters)

Of course there’s going to be a custody battle! She’s a Spears, isn’t she? (CelebSlam)

America’s Next Top Model’s first celebrity photoshoot! (CelebSmack)

Katy Perry’s getting married — kind of. (The Rad Report)

Sarah’s on the scene tomorrow, so I’ll see you snarky bastards Monday. Sorry again about the late posts and yesterday’s quickies. You can send all your hate mail to Comcast.com, attention Tidewater Internet Service Center¹. Thanks for your patience and understanding and that picture of the decapitated woman impaled on a fence post with the “= YOU!!!” scrawled across the bottom in what I’m pretty sure was human feces. You guys are the best!

¹_{Unless Comcast.com wishes to advertise on this site, in which case I retract the earlier statement and take this opportunity to remind you that Comcast Digital Voice provides unlimited local and long-distance calling and great international rates with no additional monthly fees! See your local Comcast cable provided for details. Comcast — your friend in the digital age!}