In what might possibly be the first concrete evidence that God exists and does not hate us, Dane Cook was evicted from his apartment because he is a selfish, oblivious asshole who refuses to use a pooper scooper.  He tried to appeal the eviction, and was essentially told to go straight to hell.  From Page Six:

The LA sheriff’s office slapped Cook with an eviction notice after he repeatedly failed to clean up after his dog. But Cook, who just bought a $7 million house in the Hollywood Hills, went back to court last week to appeal, claiming the eviction caused him “emotional hardship” and that the apartment inspires him creatively. The plea didn’t work.

This pleases me immensely.  I feel about Dane Cook the way most people feel about non-consensual sex with a disease riddled stranger of questionable sexual identity.  However, I can see how this whole situation would be really difficult for him.  I mean, you can’t expect a sack of shit to go around cleaning up piles of shit.  That’s like asking someone to shoot their own brother in the face.

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