The Emmy Awards happened last night.  It was their 60th anniversary, so they decided to celebrate with the most boring show in the history of the universe, hosted by the shanty town of tool sheds pictured above.  Okay, so Heidi Klum isn’t a complete tool shed, at least comparatively.  She is, however, dressed like a lunatic.  There’s some sort of inexplicable grandma shawl, and her earrings look like they’re attacking her face.  I guess it’s fine though, since she only wore this getup for about fifteen minutes.  I stopped keeping track of her wardrobe changes after the third or fourth time I fell asleep.  I’ve seen class plays at elementary schools that were more entertaining than the Emmys.

Because I am a giver and I suffer for you, I watched the entire sideshow of somnolence and I can tell you that there were exactly three funny moments.  Jesus, the show was boring.  Josh Groban did this… I don’t even know, it was some kind of singing thing that felt like what would happen during a telethon in hell, and it lasted for about eleven and a half hours.  I don’t really want to talk about it anymore.  Oh look, Christina Hendricks is here to help!

I don’t really care for anything she’s wearing.  The shoes and whatever the hell that is on her head are particularly ugly, but the colour of the dress is pretty and man, look at that rack.  If my boobs looked like that, I’d charge a fee for the privilege of just standing next to me, or possibly charm a shipping heir into giving me a private island.  I’d spend the rest of my time fondling myself in front of a mirror.

Tina Fey looked fantastic:

Kate Walsh:

Sandra Oh:

Eva Longoria:

Jennifer Love Hewitt:

Hayden Panettiere:

Jennifer Morrison:

Christina Applegate: