Now that the sad stuff’s out of the way, on to the other big news of the weekend — actress Heather Locklear was busted for driving while impaired in Santa Barbara on Saturday. You might remember that Heather checked herself into rehab for “anxiety and depression” (re: pill-popping) back in June. TMZ says

A resident reported Heather “driving erratically” as she was pulling out of a parking lot in Santa Barbara. An officer then noticed her car parked on a state highway and blocking a lane. After speaking with Locklear, the officer determined she was under the influence of something and arrested her.

Law enforcement officers tell us alcohol was not involved, however, they are conducting tests to determine if Locklear was under the influence of drugs.

Maybe she was just confused by the misnomer “parkway.” I could see how one, in theory, might think you should park on a parkway. Provided you were the kind of person who also wonders how they get deer to cross at those little yellow signs on the side of the road and why they would make an oil out of babies. I believe the technical term is actually “dumbass.”

Vintage pokies at Loreal Presents 2006: