It was reported yesterday that actress Sharon Stone will not be regaining custody of her 8-year-old son Roan. Extra says

Roan will remain at [Sharon's ex-husband Phil] Bronstein’s home as his primary residence. Stone will have visitation one weekend a month and have Roan on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day.

But she’s the mom, right? Why wouldn’t she have primary custody? Let’s see… oh, right — because she’s fucking insane. TMZ reports

The judge [in her custody case] notes, “Mother appears to overreact to many medical issues involving Roan.” In one case, the judge describes Stone believing Roan had a spinal condition, but “there was no evidence to support this allegation.”

“Another example of an overreaction is that Mother suggested that Roan should have Botox injections in his feet to resolve a problem he had with foot odor. As Father appropriately noted, the simple and common sense approach of making sure Roan wore socks with his shoes and used foot deodorant corrected the odor problem without the need for any invasive procedure on this young child.”

Oh, come on. They’re not even being fair! There’s no mention of the other alternative treatments Sharon suggested for Roan anywhere in those stupid documents. It wasn’t just Botox, you know (even though that one is clearly the most obvious solution). There were several other perfectly logical remedies she considered. She even made a list. Luckily, I obtained it for you:

SHARON STONE’S TOP TEN ALTERNATIVE ROAN FOOT TREATMENTS:

10. Butter and pan-searing

9. Two words: potato peeler

8. Bathe them in the tears of a hundred Pyreneese virgin gypsies on the night of a full moon

7. Hot coal walk

6. Two-priest exorcism with Holy Water

5. Surgically replace all the sweat gland in the foot with tiny air fresheners

4. Battery acid — rinse and repeat

3. Pills, pills, and more pills!!!

2. Hypnotherapy

and the number one alternative foot treatment she considered for Roan:

1. Just saw ‘em off at the ankle

Nippin out in L.A. last month:

Bonus beaver shots:

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