Hello, campers.  It’s Sarah today, but never fear — Abby will be back tomorrow.  So, Madonna and Guy Ritchie are still getting divorced.  I apologise in advance for the stultifying boredom of this garbage, but apparently this is newsworthy even though Madonna stopped being interesting in approximatenly 1993.  Anyhow, according to the Daily Mail:

Yesterday it was claimed that Guy had turned down a massive £20million settlement from Madonna and the pair are ‘no closer’ to reaching any agreement over their impending divorce.

The pair, whose split was made public two weeks ago, are feuding over where their children - Rocco, eight, and adopted David Banda, three - will live and be educated.

Madonna, 50, wants the two boys to live with her and Lourdes, her 12-year-old daughter from a previous relationship, in New York. But Ritchie, 40, would prefer that the children go to school in London.

The singer’s biographer, J Randy Taraborrelli, told Hello! magazine the pair ‘are at loggerheads’.

He said: ‘There was a great deal of haggling about this matter last week, with Madonna upping the amount of Guy’s settlement to more than £20 million in hopes that he would acquiesce.’

He added that they are ‘not even speaking to each other. They communicate only through lawyers’.

Mr Taraborrelli also said a friend of Ritchie told him that the split could become more acrimonious.

The source told him: ‘I do think it’s going to get nasty. He and Madonna are very angry now, no doubt about it, [but] they are willing to put that aside for their children.

‘But I do think that if one sees the other linked up with a new partner so soon, it will make everything a lot more complicated for everyone involved.’

It was also claimed today that the couple’s legal teams are seeking witness statements from business and house staff.

There’s a lot of other nonsense about marriage contracts and hours of Kabbalah reading and pre-scripted arguments, but I fell asleep at least twice while reading that piece so you’d probably be better off reading the link yourself if you’re that interested.  Also, consider ritual suicide.

Basically, here’s how I feel about this whole divorce thing:  Madonna’s a goddamn lunatic and always has been.  Guy Ritchie, who is a good deal younger than Her Veinyness, married her and became about 984% more famous as a result.  Then one day he woke up and realised, “Holy hell, I’m in bed with a centuries-old she-demon in a seaweed cellophane wrap, and when she wakes up she’s going to be a controlling harpy with a weightlifting problem, a fake accent, and delusions of grandeur.  This sucks.  I’m done.”  Neither of these jackasses gets any pity from me, and unless the forthcoming witness statements from their household staff uncover ridiculously hilarious tales of domestic insanity, I stopped caring about this within four seconds of hearing they were splitting up.