Hey guys, it’s Sarah. Abby had a small incident today involving a circus bear, some mounted police, and a trunk full of moonshine, and it’ll probably take her ’til Monday to scrape bail together. Y’all are stuck with me until then.  Moving on, Nicole Kidman is on the cover of the new Parade magazine, and she looks even more puffy and stretched and frozen than usual.  Remember how pretty she used to be when she still looked like herself?

Nicole on the new Parade cover (left) and in an older photo (right)

She actually looked best when she still had the red hair, but if she insists on being blonde then she should at least go back to a shade that looks like it could theoretically have grown out of a human head.  Also, Jesus God would these women please KNOCK IT OFF with the collagen?  Nobody looks good with trout lips!  Just look at Zach Braff!  On second though, don’t… he’s gross.

In the Parade interview, Nicole says she cries even thinking of her baby daughter, Sunday Rose.  From People:

“I’m raw and emotional,” Kidman, 41, says regarding her baby girl in the upcoming issue of Parade magazine. “I cry even thinking of her. But they are tears of joy. Because I suppose I never thought I would get to [give birth to a child]. To have been given it so late in life – I’m so ready for it.”

Kidman, who adopted daughter Isabella, 15, and son Connor, 13, with first husband Tom Cruise, said having a baby again after 40 with husband Keith Urban has changed her mindset about taking risks.

“It’s very bittersweet. Because, at 41, I think, ‘I want to see her 21st birthday, and I want to see her get married.’ My relationship with death used to be far more ambivalent, I think, and now it’s very much about staying in the world,” she explains to the magazine. “That’s why in the past I could jump out of planes and take a lot of risks. Strangely enough, I think when you have children at 25, you still have that ‘what will be, will be’ attitude. It’s such a different way of parenting.”

You know, it wouldn’t surprise me in the least if Connor and Isabella go on some kind of psychotic rampage one of these days.  They’ve got a rictus-faced mum, an alcoholic stepfather, a lunatic dad, a zombie stepmother, and two famewhoring half-sisters about whom their parents never shut up.  There’s probably going to be a string of victims found in fields with their hair shorn by a Flowbee and that Australian pregnancy water poured all over them.

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