A disheveled Joaquin Phoenix showed up to the premiere of his supposedly-last movie “Two Lovers” with the Yodarian© message “Bye! Good” written on his knuckles. I’m sure we can expect to see “NeedsPumping MyStomach” and “ForFood WillWork” on his fists in the upcoming months. Anyway, his apparent alcohol-induced dyslexia did little to assuage rumors that he’s fallen off the old sobriety wagon. Page Six says

The two-time Oscar nominee showed up to a tribute to Paul Newman last week and “was out of it.” Other actors were performing scenes and readings, but Phoenix just got up and walked out. “He wobbled back in a bit later, but it was odd,” said our source. “He was slurring his words and was unsteady on his feet.” Friends of Joaquin are worried about the star, who has had a very public battle with drink and drugs.

Is Joaquin back on the booze? Jesus Christ. That’s like finding a huge penis is your ass and “wondering” if you’re gay. Of course you’re gay! You’re so gay you have two different versions of Dance Dance Revolution and a subscription to “Cat Fancy” and “Interpretive Dance Quarterly.” If you were any gayer there’d be a sailor in tap shoes using you as a hand puppet while you read this. I think you all can see where I’m going here. Joaquin Phoenix is clearly a gay. Like they say in the movies, case closed!

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