Remember the name Maria Esther Castillo — you’re going to be hearing it a lot today. Ms. Castillo found herself duct-taped to her seat after striking a flight attendant and assaulting the disabled during a flight to Chicago. The Chicago Tribune says

[Castillo] struck a flight attendant on the buttocks with the back of her hand [and] fell onto the head of a blind passenger and later started pulling the person’s hair. Ankle cuffs kept slipping off Castillo, so the flight crew and two passengers were forced to use duct tape to keep her in her seat, the complaint states.

Maria Esther Castillo is charged with resisting arrest and interfering with the operations of a flight crew aboard United Airlines Flight 645, from Puerto Rico to Chicago.

This just confirms my father’s belief that duct tape can be used in nearly every situation. Reattaching an amputated limb, replacing your windshield, silencing a witness — all of it. And don’t let’s forget the body hair removal perks that come with a quality adhesive! Maria Ester Castillo got that luscious Latina body hair ripped out right by the root for free. United Airlines can now boast free in-flight ankle waxing with every belligerent outburst! United — come fly the hair-free skies.

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