Lindsay Lohan tells Harper’s Bazaar she’s in a lesbian relationship, but that she’s not gay! Translation: she makes Sam wear a strap-on. (Lainey Gossip)

Wanna see up Amanda Bynes’ dress? Here’s your chance, perverts. (Hollywood Tuna)

Chevy Chase has officially sold his soul to the devil. Right after he watched the devil ass-fuck it. (Pajiba)

Mariah Carey’s bangin’ the maître d’! (Websters)

Paris Hilton does a disservice to raccoons everywhere. (Hollywood Rag)

Couldn’t imagine a way to make Nicole Kidman any less appealing? How ’bout you strap a dick on her and make an insufferable movie about transsexuals? (CelebNewsWire)

When did Blake Lively turn 45 and ugly? (Use My Computer)

I can see through Sophie Monk’s shirt! Now so can you. (Dirty Rotten Whore)

Britney Spears’ son Jayden James hospitalized after seizure. (Holy Moly)

Uma Thurman in a bikini to beat that case of the Mondays! (CelebSlam)

New Victoria’s Secret model Doutzen Kroes gets her panties in a twist. (Bastardly)

Why you should never take pictures of yourself defacing your drunken friend’s naked body. Or post them on MySpace(COED Magazine)

Imagine this: you’re stuck in a room with Heidi Montag, Perez Hilton and Denise Richards. Someone already took your shoelaces and you have no means by which to start a fire. What do you do? (MollyGood)