Brace yourself, Brangelinaphiles — Brad Pitt is going to be on today’s Oprah, and he’s going to be talking about Angie and kiddies! Squeal! Us Weekly caught a little excerpt from the interview:

Brad says “[My kids are] the funniest people I’ve ever met. And you know it really tells you — it’s a great mirror for yourself. It really tells you a lot about yourself and who you are and how you react to things. They make me better. They make me a better person as a father.”

Asked which of his six children is the funniest, Pitt tells Winfrey, “They all have their own thing. They don’t mean to be funny. Right now Shi’s in this thing. First of all, she only wants to be called John. John or Peter. So it’s a Peter Pan thing. So we’ve got to call her John. ‘Shi, do you want’ — ‘John. I’m John.’ And then I’ll say, ‘John, do you — would you like some orange juice?’ And she goes, ‘No!’ “So, you know, it’s just that kind of stuff that — that’s cute to parents and it’s probably really obnoxious to other people.”

Boy, little kids get away with everything. Babies especially. When those little bastards sidle up to a boob and clamp down on the nipple, it’s all “awww” this and “miracle of life” that. When I do it, suddenly “pepper spray to the face” is the only appropriate response. And don’t even get me started on crapping my pants in public. If I had a nickel for every time I was escorted off a commuter train with a pantload between my knees, I’d probably be an eleven-thousandaire by now. At the very least, I wouldn’t be taking the goddamn commuter train to work every day, I can promise you that. Surely children are the true kings among men.

Angelina Jolie in the December issue of Harper’s Bazaar UK:

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