With his balls firmly tucked into her kung-fu grip, Jennifer Aniston brought boyfriend John Mayer to a meeting with her dad and her stepmom. Star Magazine has the scoop:

The meeting took place on Wednesday at Beverly Hills Hotel’s posh Polo Lounge, where John broke bread with 75-year-old Days of our Lives star John Aniston and his second wife, Jen’s stepmom Sherry Rooney, plus another older couple. So how did the ever-cool singer do on the dad test? Despite being so nervous that he compared it to “auditioning for Dancing with the Stars,” he seemed to be a hit.

“Jen’s dad seemed very impressed with John and the two got on real well,” an onlooker tells Star.

Dressed in a tank dress and heels, Jen sat next to John — who donned a collared shirt and sweater for the event — in the corner booth. Even though the two sat directly across the table from her dad, “they couldn’t keep their hands off each other,” an eyewitness tells Star. “Jen was constantly rubbing his hair and John was rubbing her back, then every so often they would steal a kiss. They both looked very happy and very much in love.”

Adds another onlooker: “John and Jen held hands under the table. She would put her arm around him and he would reach up and grasp her hands. But John was fidgeting and texting under the table looking a bit nervous.”

Yup. There you have it. Nothing says “I love you” like a nerve pinch to the neck and eye daggers across the table to get a man to commit. My guess is that John was trying to text for help. I’m surprised Jen didn’t drop her cover to reveal herself as a Rodian bounty hunter on the prowl for some booty. Koona t’chuta, Mayer?