Britney Spears will be going on tour in 2009, marking the first time she has gone global since injuring her knee during her Onyx Hotel Tour back in 2004. And if those performances on X Factor and at the Bambi Awards are any indication, it’s going to be half-hearted mime-off unworthy of your $145. You could save your paycheck and just put a blonde wig and fishnets on one of the animatronic mice at Chuck E Cheese’s and get an equally convincing live performance. Plus you get a free soda and a balloon if you tell them it’s your birthday, and experience has taught me that you’re sure to be the biggest one in the ball pit. Score, baby!

UPDATE: Britney performing “Circus” on Good Morning America (above). Official tour dates and her GMA “Womanizer” performance after the jump.

Tue, 03/03/09
7:30 PM
New Orleans Arena
New Orleans, LA

Thu, 03/05/09
08:00 PM
Philips Arena
Atlanta, GA

Sat, 03/07/09
07:30 PM
American Airlines Arena
Miami, FL

Sun, 03/08/09
07:30 PM
St Pete Times Forum
Tampa, FL

Wed, 03/11/09
08:00 PM
Nassau Coliseum
Uniondale, NY

Fri, 03/13/09
08:00 PM
Prudential Center
Newark, NJ

Mon, 03/16/09
08:00 PM
TD Banknorth Garden
Boston, MA

Tue, 03/24/09
08:00 PM
Verizon Center
Washington, DC

Thu, 03/26/09
07:30 PM
Mohegan Sun Arena
Uncasville, CT

Fri, 03/27/09
08:00 PM
Mellon Arena
Pittsburgh, PA

Tue, 03/31/09
08:00 PM
American Airlines Center
Dallas, TX

Fri, 04/03/09
08:30 PM
Target Center
Minneapolis, MN

Thu, 04/09/09
08:00 PM
Tacoma Dome
Tacoma, WA

Sat, 04/11/09
08:00 PM
ARCO Arena
Sacramento, CA

Sun, 04/12/09
07:00 PM
HP Pavilion At San Jose
San Jose, CA

Tue, 04/14/09
07:30 PM
EnergySolutions Arena
Salt Lake City, UT

Thu, 04/16/09
08:00 PM
STAPLES Center
Los Angeles, CA

Sun, 04/19/09
08:00 PM
Honda Center
Anaheim, CA

Fri, 04/24/09
08:00 PM
JOBING.COM ARENA
Glendale, AZ

Tue, 04/28/09
08:00 PM
Allstate Arena
Rosemont, IL