Kirsten Dunst Has a Stalker
Tags: Kirsten Dunst, restraining order, stalker
Proving that there are still a ton of sickos out there, Kirsten Dunst has filed a restraining order against a man accused of stalking her. Dunst says in the declaration
“Christopher Smith has repeatedly shown up uninvited at my place of residence in Los Angeles, going to so far as to ignore police warnings, bypass my personal security measures, trespass on my property, and attempt to gain entry into my home.
Mr. Smith’s sudden, aggressive, and harassing efforts to contact me are extremely frightening. I fear not only for my own personal safety, but also for the safety and well being of my housemate and assistant.”
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Let’s not jump to conclusions here. Maybe the guy was hard up for a little Eye of Newt and Toe of Frog. It’s not like there’s a real live witch hanging out on every street corner in L.A., you know. Kirsten Dunst is about as close as you’ll get. And even if you did come across a real live witch, you have to have Elune’s Candle or the Torch of Holy Flame in your arsenal, which you won’t have unless you’ve already beaten the dungeons of Blackfathom Depths, unless of course you’re already aLevel 20 Elven Sorcerer, in which case you would probably use the Luminescent Rod of the Naaru to kill her and then go back to jerking off in your mother’s basement. See? It’s not as simple as it sounds.
And now, the must-have gift for the person that you hate at the office Christmas party — the official Kirsten Dunst desk calendar!
2 Comments, Comment or Ping
joecoz
You’re a nerd, Abby. But hilarious, as usual.
That fucking calender would have to be the worst Christmas gift ever. I’d rather get nothing.
Dec 2nd, 2008
xu
i don’t know why all the bloggers hate on kirsten dunst. i love her. she has so much more character than most of the other “celebrities” you write about. namely stupid jennifer anniston. can that bitch play anyone but herself in a movie? never!
Dec 4th, 2008
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