Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson rang in the new year by screaming at each other in a nightclub and waling on each other outside their hotel room. Just like Mom and Dad used to do! Page Six says

On New Year’s Eve, the couple went nuclear and started screaming at each other while hosting a party at Mansion. After Lohan and Ronson went back to the hotel, several sources heard crashing sounds and screaming coming from their room until the fight spilled out into the hallways at about 11 a.m.

“They were punching each other - it was bad,” a spy said. “And they were doing this in front of all of us.” At one point, Lohan dropped to her knees and cried, “Why are you doing this to me?” And Sam just said, “I don’t know you.”

Eventually hotel security was called and photos were taken of the girls’ trashed room. “Mirrors were broken and it was a complete mess,” another spy said.

Several hours later, still fighting, Lohan and Ronson tried to board an American Airlines flight back to Los Angeles. Lohan was said to be such a mess before takeoff that flight attendants asked her if she’d like to disembark. She refused.

That just proves that their love is the real thing after all. I’ve learned from watching episodes of COPS that it’s not true love unless you have a steady cycle of screaming fistfights and broken dishes and kitchen knife-brandishing in a double wide trailer. I’ve also learned that if you’re high on PCP and not wearing any pants, you are magically immune to tasers and pepper spray. That little tidbit has come in handy more times that I can count, believe me. There’s not a life lesson around that can’t be gleaned from a good episode of COPS! PBS can go suck it.

Post-fight in L.A.: