The 66th Annual Golden Globes Awards were last night, and I held fast to my tradition of watching “The Big Lebowski” while high as a kite instead. Try it yourself and I believe you’ll find the Golden Globes infinitely more tolerable that way. I mean, say what you want about the tenents of National Socialism — at least it’s an ethos. Am I right?

And speaking of high as a kite, a visibly impaired and cloying Cameron Diaz managed to fuck up Angelina Jolie’s name while presenting and trying to be cute (clip above). But even that wasn’t the most annoying moment of the night. Kate Winslet (keep watching) nabbed that distinguished honor after blathering on at the podium for five minutes and panting and gasping like Fatty McGee after taking a flight of stairs. People Magazine says

A breathless Kate Winslet, the first winner of the night at Sunday’s Golden Globes as best supporting actress for The Reader… was also named best leading actress in the drama Revolutionary Road.

Winslet, along with Mickey Rourke, Colin Farrell, Happy-Go-Lucky’s Sally Hawkins, the late Heath Ledger, Slumdog Millionaire, and Woody Allen’s Vicky Christina Barcelona were the top winners in the film categories.

The HBO miniseries John Adams, AMC’s Mad Men and NBC’s multiple-winner 30 Rock took TV honors.

Blah blah blah who cares. Look, if I’m gonna watch a group of people in ridiculous costumes shamelessly kissing each other’s asses for four hours, I’m not going to do it on network fucking TV. I’m going to rent “Starship Poopers” and “Backdoor Bandits on Big Butt Row” and get my damn money’s worth. And also maybe stain the couch.

Complete list of the night’s winners here.

Various stars at the Golden Globes after party, starting with Vanessa Hudgens and Kyra Sedgwick:

Christina Applegate and Kate Beckinsale:

Drew Barrymore and Eva Mendes:

Olivia Wilde and Melissa George: