Remember when Mischa Barton did stuff?  Like that time she made that Disney tv movie about dolphins, or that other time she was the single worst thing on a cartoonishly bad prime time soap and then they killed her off?  For the last few years, her career has consisted solely of dressing like a blind lunatic and slouching around like Quasi Modo.  I literally have no idea why she’s still famous, but honestly, if she doesn’t stop flashing me I’m going to buy a circus bear and jab it with a stick for about an hour and a half before I set it loose in her neighbourhood.

Dear Mischa,

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, GIRL, STAND UP STRAIGHT!  That hideous dress (it’s Dior, so it probably cost as much as a semester of my sister’s tuition) is clearly not built to hold itself up by will alone.  I am tired of you and I am tired as hell of your sad, unsupported breasts in my face.  Invest in underclothes.  Also, get a goddamn job.

Kisses,
Sarah

Captain Wardrobe Malfunction at the Dior Haute Couture Spring/Summer 2009 show in Paris: