A picture of the greatest Olympic athlete of all time smoking pot made the media rounds over the weekend, outraging fogies and squares the world over. It seems Michael Phelps was photographed toking on a bong at a USC house party last November, where he was ass-tapping visiting a student there named Jordan Matthews. Michael quickly issued a public apology, telling the Associated Press in a written statement:

“I engaged in behavior which was regrettable and demonstrated bad judgment. I’m 23 years old and despite the successes I’ve had in the pool, I acted in a youthful and inappropriate way, not in a manner people have come to expect from me. For this, I am sorry. I promise my fans and the public it will not happen again.”

So what’s to become of his fledgling career and endorsement deals now? According to News of the World

After sporting chiefs announced laws which mean four-year bans for drug-taking, Phelps’ dreams of adding to his overall 14 gold medal tally at the 2012 games in London could already be over.

Phelps earned [$8 million] last year in endorsements… with huge brands such as Mastercard and HSBC. The [companies] admitted proven cannabis use would be “a major taint” on Phelps’ character.

Jesus effing Christ on a stick. So everybody’s cool with that DUI he got a few years back — Mastercard and HSBC are still content to milk that tainted cow — but God forbid he dare to smoke a little pot. You know, because driving drunk never killed anyone or ophaned any children or maimed any innocent bystanders the way marijuana does. No sir. Big companies can put their dollars behind DUIs. But smoking pot? Why, it’s like playing a game of Russian roulette. If instead of a gun you had a old N64 and instead of bullets you had Tostinos pizza rolls. Good on corporate giants for maintaining such a strict moral code and sense of decency.