I don’t want to alarm you, but it seems that actress Scarlett Johansson has gone over to the dark side. Not the kind of dark side where you pledge allegiance to a Sith Lord and channel your rage and hate in an attempt to rule the galaxy, but the kind of dark side where you dye your hair brown because you want to be taken seriously as an actress. It’s funny how a little hair color can change your entire persona, isn’t it? With her old blond hair, she was a “siren” and a “sex kitten” and “completely unapproachable,” but with her new brown ‘do, she’s “dumpy” and “vaguely familiar, like that fat chick that sat next to you in art class freshman year.” Scarlett really would have been better off perfecting her light saber skills and focusing inwardly on her own power.

Scarlett (and Jennifer Aniston) at the premiere of “He’s Just Not That into You” last night: