Michael Phelps Suspended, Dropped by Kellogg’s
Tags: ban, dropped, kellogg's, marijuana, michael phelps, suspended
More bad news for Olympic gold medalist Michael Phelps — Dophin Boy has officially been suspended from USA Swimming competitions for the next ninety days. USA Swimming said in a public statement:
“This is not a situation where any anti-doping rule was violated, but we decided to send a strong message to Michael because he disappointed so many people, particularly the hundreds of thousands of USA Swimming member kids who look up to him as a role model and a hero.”
To add insult to injury, Kellogg’s cereal manufacturers have decided not to renew Phelps’ contract when it expires at the end of this month. Kellog’s said
“We originally built the relationship with Michael, as well as the other Olympic athletes, to support our association with the US Olympic team. Michael’s most recent behavior is not consistent with the image of Kellogg. His contract expires at the end of February and we have made a decision not to extend his contract.”
Well, fuck Kellogg’s, and fuck USA Swimming. Who needs them anyway? There’s a whole world of opportunities and open doors just waiting for Michael Phelps. I can think of at least ten right now right off the top of my head.
TOP TEN MICHAEL PHELPS POTENTIAL ADVERTISING GIGS:
10. Magic Mushroom head shop — now carrying Michael Phelps brand Gold Metal pocket-sized pipes!
9. The Urinator — Michael Phelps says “urine luck!”
8. Goldenseal — Goldenboy Michael Phelps Stays Golden with this all-natural herb!
7. Funions: it’s a Michael Phelps munchies must-have!
6. Visine: Get the red out, keep the gold in
5. Downy dryer sheets: because Michael Phelps’ mom doesn’t need to know
4. Track and Field II for Super NES: because you’ll never be Michael Phelps, so you might as well get high and pretend
3. Ohaus Voyager® laboratory analytical scales: because Michaels Phelps knows that every little bit counts
2. High Times cover boy: Goldenboy brings the Golden Haze to the Cannabis Cup
and the number one Michael Phelps potential advertising gig:
1. Hydrofarm Hydroponic Grow System: because Michael Phelps only does it with water!
On his way to practice in Baltimore:
9 Comments, Comment or Ping
Jon
Of all the things this dumbass could be doing he choses to smoke from a bong and risk it all for a hit of more idiocy. Seriously, I’d have a line of women out of my door and do that instead to keep me mellow. Then again, maybe he’s gay too.
Feb 6th, 2009
abby
I thought the header pic was marvelously apropos.
Feb 6th, 2009
bionic bunny
geez. having been a swimmer myself, i know that lung capacity is a marvelous thing. dude could have done this out of sight and kept his endorsements AND a good buzz going longer than everybody else in the room.
dammit, boy, LEARN!!
and kelloggs: please stop and realize for a moment that many of your products are consumed by people who used their cash on a little herb instead of foodstuffs. you’re sending the wrong message, idiots.
Feb 6th, 2009
sonya
He looks a bit like Ed Gwynne in that header pic.
Feb 6th, 2009
BarbadoSlim
Boo fucking HOO now you don’t get millions you didn’t deserve anyway.
Now you can fulfill your destiny being a swimming coach down at the Y.
Feb 7th, 2009
SunflowerPipes
Michael Phelps is an American Hero. He stood tall and made America proud at the Beijing Olympics. This is how America treats its heroes, we forget all of the hard work Michael Phelps did to achieve his task, we forget the pride we felt with the each gold medal, we forget how Phelps helped America to be competitive against a Chinese when they planned on winning all of the gold’s, we forget all of those things and hang a man for smoking a glass pipe at a college party. It is time that we as a country stand up for the rights of the individual, it’s time we stand together with our neighbors and take collective control of our destinies. Write a congressman or a senator any of them; imagine the weight of millions of emails calling for a change in policy. In this moment in America anything is possible just Google the email address of you’re representative and send him or her short email. It will take 10 minutes but then you have taken responsibility for change. A senator considers each email as representative of 2 thousand voters.
SunflowerPipes.com
Feb 8th, 2009
Ugh
5. Downy dryer sheets: because Michael Phelps’ mom doesn’t need to know
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Oh man, the old dryer sheet in the tp cardboard roll, that takes me back to my teen years.
Feb 8th, 2009
BarbadoSlim
Hey pipedude, I don’t really give a rat’s ass that he was smoking. I’m just basically in disagreement with the concept of athletes as “heroes” and making them instant millionaires.
Feb 9th, 2009
RichPort
I din’t give a shit about Phleps until I saw him wit’ dat bong, mon…
Feb 9th, 2009
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