Oscars Worst Dressed
Tags: academy awards, amanda siegfried, frieda pinto, Heidi Klum, Jessica Biel, Miley Cyrus, oscars, Sarah Jessica Parker, tilda swinton, vanessa hudgens, worst dressed
Now that we’ve got the best-dressed out of the way, let’s go in for the kill: The 81st Annual Academy Awards Worst-Dressed List. Starting with Beyonce, above. I’ve heard the expression “walking like you’ve got a corn cob up your ass,” but this is ridiculous. I wouldn’t be surprised to learn there was a damn Volkswagen wedged into her pooper.
The rest of the list after the jump!
It’s like Jessica Biel has a long, sad uniboob that’s trying to make a break for it:
Miley Cyrus — The Tree Man called: he wants his scales back:
Zac Efron — the T-Birds called: they want their hair back.
Vanessa Hudgens — Sasha Fierce, called, and she’s going to kick your ass:
Why, oh why, Heidi Klum? It’s like a combover and a mullet set up shop on her head. And the top half of the dress is ill-fitting and the whole thing just looks sloppy. Ten bucks says Eva Longoria’s stylist did her makeup:
Curiously, the only thing tighter than Sarah Jessica Parker’s dress was her husband’s asshole:
Attention Summer Redstone’s wife: Harley Davidson called. They want their logo back.
Frieda Pinto might be shit-hot, but that dress is not. It’s straight up Sweeney Sisters:
Evan Rachel Wood looks Coraline’s “other mommy.” I bet her makeup weighs as much as her damn dress. It’s a shame to waste a gown that beautiful on her:
Kim Basinger did it better than Kate Winslet eighteen years ago:
Tilda Swinton: neutrals are NOT your friend, my dear:
Philip Seymour Hoffman must have arrived on his skateboard:
Jennifer Aniston, or well-dressed Lhasa Apso?:
Mickey Rourke is a fucking idiot. Or a conductor on a pimp train:
When I look at Nicole Kidman all I can think is “nipple hair.” That may be the most unflattering dress she’s ever worn. It’s like her boobs are Abe Vigoda’s angry eyes:
Amanda Siegfried: 1984 called. They said you weren’t even fucking born yet:
10 Comments, Comment or Ping
sonya
Hey Beyonce, they DO make dresses in other shapes than “mermaid”. Just an FYI.
Ha ha, nipple hair. Awesome.
And I loathe Phillip Seymour Hoffman. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him play anything where his character has any redeeming qualities. Plus his red hair/fair freckled skin/no color in his lips look creeps me the heck out. Plus the image of him humping Marisa Tomei will forever be singed into my mind’s eye. Barf, Barf and Triple Barf.
Feb 23rd, 2009
Captain_Insano
Mickey Rourke is awesome. He just doesn’t give a shit. And that’s why he is awesome.
Feb 23rd, 2009
Syd
Just once, I’d like to see Micky Rourke photographed without his thumb tucked into a pocket or his hand in his pants.
I’m lying. I don’t ever need to see another picture of him.
Feb 23rd, 2009
Jon
For the record, Frieda Pinto isn’t even close to hot and I have no idea who Amanda Siegfried is.
Feb 23rd, 2009
Yatta
Hey, Genius–
That’s not Summer Redstone, it’s DAVID FROST.
Idiot.
Feb 24th, 2009
Brad
you lost me at Kate Winslet. if you think what Kim Basinger wore 18 years ago was better than what Kate wore then you are either quite old or on crack, or possibly both. Kate was one of the best dressed there. Tell us who was better
Feb 24th, 2009
GLK
Come on now, Kate Winslet!! She rocks in this dress or just about anything, she is hot! When Kim Basinger may have worn this 18 years ago then she and you were both on something illegal!
Feb 24th, 2009
Dee
While some of the choices on worst dressed were well placed, what is with the “so and so called… want their clothes back” comments? Seriously, mixing it up the comments a little would’ve made this a tad funnier, rather than freaking sad.
Feb 24th, 2009
green_bird
On Freida and Kate - I disagree. And Amanda was so-so. I don’t give a shit about Evan Rachel Wood, soooooo….
But everyone else. YES YES YES. I can’t stand Beyonce anymore. She’s so overexposed. And I believe the rumors that she and her entire family are registered members of the GOP. What a diva.
Especially Jessica Biel. Dress and hair was hideous. I have no idea what happened to her hair. Stringy and not healthy looking at all.
Seriously Ben Barnes: you recognize the awesomeness of NATALIE PORTMAN, yet you decide to fangirl the living daylights over Jessica Biel. Why?
Feb 25th, 2009
Acemeister79
Tilda Swine - gotta be the ugliest she beast on earth! And Miley is a horseface!!!
Feb 28th, 2009
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