Kanye West apparently felt very strongly that he had not yet sufficiently showcased his epic douchebaggery for all the world to see.  That’s why he so generously took time out of his busy lineup of masturbatory preening and lip-syncing at VH1′s Storytellers to bestow upon us, the unwashed masses, the following gems:

“I do have an ego and rightfully so. I think people should have an ego.

“Think about it – I don’t offend people, I don’t put anyone down. Do I name names or bring people down? That’s not my thing. But I give myself big-ups. I feel good about the music I make.”

I bet you’re thinking, “Dude, that ain’t even as bad as most of the shit that delusional jackass says before breakfast every day.”  Well, don’t be so impatient, young grasshopper.  Kanye was just warming up:

“God chose me. He made a path for me. I am God’s vessel.

“But my greatest pain in life is that I will never be able to see myself perform live.”

Yeah.  Poor Kanye.  He’ll never know joy.  It’s super sad.  Oh, but wait; Kanye wasn’t done yet!  He also offered up a backhanded and passive-aggressive apology for his longstanding history of raging homophobia:

“If a black man from Chicago was taught to stand far away from gay people because he didn’t want to be accused of being gay. What would happen if he’d run into a gay man? What’s the talk? What would he learn, what would I learn? I learned that people in Chicago were wrong and I had been an asshole all along.”

Seriously, if Kanye could do me a huge favour and maybe contract Tetanus so his goddamn jaw would lock the fuck up, that would be great.  Failing that, I’ve got a shiny nickel for the first person to punch him in the face and tell him he’s not allowed to talk anymore.