Here’s a real shocker for you: Madonna’s unquenchable narcissism and obsession with working out makes her a less-than-ideal mother! Astounding, I know. According to Madonna’s former chef and house manager Eric Ienco, her children are lucky if they get to see her Madgesty for more than a half hour a day. He told the National Enquirer

“It’s a puzzle she wants to adopt again. She’s hardly ever with her children. She’s got two full-time nannies and one part-time nanny. So why adopt a kid if somebody else is raising them?

[Her day is rigidly planned --] she gets up and has a coffee, then she does two hours of yoga. Then there’s two hours of Pilates and exercise. That’s six days a week.

After that, she deals with her e-mail, her calls and the rest of her business. And after that, she spends maybe half an hour with the kids. If Lourdes comes in and says, ‘I want to see Mom,’ she is told, ‘She’s doing yoga’ - and Lourdes knows she can’t disturb Mom.

Madonna puts herself before her kids. When she adopted little David, he arrived at her home from Africa - and three hours later, she left to do Pilates. Wouldn’t you think she’d want to spend the entire day with her new son?”

There’s only one plausible reason she’s so desperate to adopt — viable pluripotent stem cells harvested from fresh kiddie organs. Mama doesn’t need a new pair of shoes; she needs a new liver and organic dermal reconstruction!