Everybody knows John Mayer is a useless douchebag with an unquenchable thirst for attention, but the stupidity of this is just mind boggling.  Mayer and some random idiot “reality star” friend of his named Rob Dyrdek got wasted and then Twittered their way up their own asses.  From People:

A night of hard partying landed John Mayer in the deejay booth and pal Rob Dyrdek in the hospital … or did it?

The two began the night at Hollywood hot spot My House, where they were seen sharing Corzo tequila shots straight out of the bottle before Mayer launched into an impromptu show.

But the night ended with the two stumbling out of the club and, according to Mayer’s Twitter, to a hospital: “In triage at Cedars with @Robdyrdek. When the contents of his stomach hit that silicon bag and we all saw it, we just broke into applause.”

This would’ve been a way better story if John Mayer had died of alcohol poisoning or somehow been eaten alive by bullet ants, but I guess nobody likes getting their stomach pumped so this would probably be sad or whatever for the friend.  That is, if a single word of it were true:

“It was fake, they were just having fun and screwing around for publicity,” a source tells PEOPLE. The skateboarder/reality star was up and running the next day, Tweeting: “A funny night out with @johncmayer.”

I literally don’t know who the hell you are, Rob Dyrdek, but I hate you already.  Clearly there are things wrong with you since you’re even friends with John Mayer in the first place, but c’mon, a pretend alcohol related hospital visit?  For attention?  The fuck are you guys, a pair of 14-year-old secret cutter girls in a goddamn Lifetime movie?