If you already thought Angelina Jolie was wild in the bedroom, wait until you hear this. Us Magazine says

After arriving at their chateau in the South of France, [Brad and Angelina] took sons Maddox, 8, and Pax, 5, to a local pet and garden shop to buy gerbils on Thursday.

While at the store. Jolie reached into the cage to pet the “gerbilles” while Pitt perused the aisles. The couple stocked up on a cage and gear for their new pets and also bought Maddox a cactus.

Satiating your deviant coked-up rodent sexual fetishes under the guise of obtaining a family pet? That’s just despicable. And a cactus? I don’t even want to know what she’s going to do with with a fucking cactus. Wait… yes. Yes, I do. Perhaps a video. Or she could write it all down and use words like “throbbing” and “quivering” and “manflesh.” Trust me, I’m not picky. You might have met my first three husbands.