File this under Dear God No: it’s looking like “Home Alone” star Macaulay Culkin might be the mystery father of Michael Jackson’s son Blanket (real name Prince Michael II), thanks to the miracle of in vitro fertilization. Ew. London’s The Sun says

Culkin — [who is godfather to Jacko's other two children -- starred] alongside Jackson in the video for his hit song Black or White in 1991, regularly visited the singer’s Neverland ranch, and took the witness stand to defend him at his 2005 child molestation trial. Now sources close to Jackson say the Thriller star asked Culkin for the donation to help him complete his “perfect” family.

[They said], “This isn’t just chitter-chatter, even Culkin suspects he’s Blanket’s father. Jackson and Culkin were best friends. He was one of the few people Jackson really trusted and Mack never let him down. Really, Jackson idolized him - that’s why he asked Mack to donate sperm.

Deep down, I think he always wished Mack was his son. Creating Blanket was the next best thing.”

God, what’s worse than imagining Kevin McCallister jerking off into in a sample cup while Michael Jackson hovers behind him in the background? No, seriously — I don’t know. So far all I’ve got is “unclogging John Goodman’s toilet after a week at Oktoberfest.” That’s why I’m asking you.

Disturbing pictures of the two of them together:

Pictures of Macaulay’s hot-ass girlfriend Mila Kunis in next month’s Details magazine: