Since court-ordered paternal conservatorship worked out so well for Britney Spears, Michael Lohan is hoping he’ll be able to rehabilitate daughter Lindsay through the magic of the California legal system. But if the courts won’t give him control of her estate, it’s not going to stop him from saving her the only way he knows how: a class B felony. According to MSNBC

“If I can’t get a conservatorship, then I’m going to take her to an undisclosed location and get her straight,” Michael Lohan [said]. “But I know I’m going to get charged with kidnapping.”

Not if Lindsay Lohan gets her way. LiLo plans to file a restraining order to keep her estranged dad far outside of kidnapping range.

“[My ex-wife] Dina is the one that told her to get a restraining order,” Michael Lohan said. “But you know what? I’m still going to try to do everything to get Lindsay better.”

And if kidnapping and forcibly institutionalizing her doesn’t work, he could always hook her up to a car battery and electroshock her straight himself. You don’t win Father of the Year without being a hands-on kind of dad, my father always used to say! Mostly while he was beating us with a roll of seat belt or the bag of oranges he kept in the freezer.

Leaving a hair salon in L.A. last week:

PHOTO SOURCE: Pacific Coast News