Just who is this Rachel Uchitel, the New York club manager accused of having a fling with Tiger Woods that sparked a battered husband’s desperate escape-turned-car-crash? Well, first of all, she wants you to know that she’s not a homewrecker, even though she fucked “Bones” star David Borneaz all through his wife’s pregnancy. That was before, you see. And the whole Tiger thing was made up by two “drug-abusing hookers” that sold the story to the tabloids for money, making her the victim in all this. Except maybe not. The Enquirer says

Rachel has been caught in outright lies.

Rachel traveled to Australia to meet with Tiger while he played earlier this month in the Australian Masters, but Rachel initially told us she traveled there with a boyfriend.

In a later conversation, however, she admitted she had lied about going to Australia with a boyfriend. She said she was in the country “for business.”

She also said she was not in Tiger’s hotel. But an Enquirer reporter eye witnessed her IN the hotel.

She then said she did not go to the floor of the hotel where Tiger was staying.

But an ENQUIRER reporter in Melbourne watched as Rachel checked in to the posh Crown Towers hotel, and went up to the 35th floor, which houses the hotel’s ritzy VIP Suite [where Tiger was staying].

Sir Walter Scott famously said, “Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive,” but that seems a little pretentious given the situation. “Liar, liar, pants on fire” really sums it up a whole lot better.