Hi, boys and girls! I’m finally back from my incarceration vacation and I’m all ready to start dishing your daily dose of mindless crap. I hope you enjoyed your time with Sarah, because she’ll be back tomorrow while I’m in court, and possibly again next week, depending which way the jury swings.

But on to the crap: “Jersey Shore” star Nicole “Snooki” Pilozzi is currently in negotiations to star in her own reality show. Don’t say I didn’t warn you about the crap. According to Us Weekly

Snooki [is] getting ready to ditch her Jersey Shore housemates for a solo show.

The pint-sized MTV star [revealed] that she’ll soon helm her own Shot at Love-like reality series “Snookin’ for Love.”

“Definitely there is no set thing, but it has been talked about,” Snooki [said]. “I got offers from VH1 and other reality networks.”

Now, my Spanish is rusty at best — “Eso no es mio, senor” and “No estoy borracha” and “Quiero un abogado” — but I spent several hours in a holding cell in Mexico watching the Jersey Shore, and from what I can tell, it’s the story of a circus midget (Snooki), a post-op transsexual (J-Woww), a former prostitute (Sammi), a roided-out date rapist (Ronnie), the poster child for Axe deodorant body spray (The Situation), a Menudo dropout (Pauly D) and a retard (Vinny). It’s a intricate melange of circus freak and shemale, chest-waxing and penis piercing that only works because of the dynamics and interplay between the characters. Snooki sans the rest of the cast just doesn’t fly. It’s like a flower without any petals, or — more appropriately — like a testicle without any sac. 87% of bearded ladies and 74% Siamese twins polled agree: she’d be better off returning to the circus from whence she came. Fuckin’ circle of life, bro.

Doing some classic circus tricks for passersby:

PHOTO SOURCE: Pacific Coast News Online