So, A&E (the network that brought you “Intervention” and “Hoarders”, collectively known as Misery Mondays) is apparently giving David Hasselhoff his own show.  The David Hasselhoff of “Knight Rider” and “Baywatch”, but more importantly, the David Hasselhoff of The Cheeseburger Incident.  This can’t possibly end well.  From OK!:

The yet-unnamed series, set to debut later this year, “will take a behind-the-scenes look into the life of ‘The Hoff’ focusing on his multiple entertainment and business endeavors, as well as his most important role as a single dad trying to help his teenage daughters break into the recording industry.”

“It’s the dream of every parent to be able to help their children succeed,” said Hasselhoff in a statement to the press. “I told the girls that I would help them open the door when they are ready, but they would have to walk through it on their own. This is their time and I am excited to be a part of it by partnering with A&E and FremantleMedia on this new series.”

“David Hasselhoff is an international icon known for his many roles and talents,” said A&E’s Robert Sharenow. “Now for the first time he’s allowing our cameras to see another side of him — as a single father raising two teenage girls — and the day-to-day drama that accompanies the rest of his larger-than-life life.”

I don’t know about this.  First off, they’re gonna have to use those underwater cameras that divers use, like to film sharks ‘n shit.  Regular everyday cameras just aren’t designed to handle the moisture level of projectile vomit.  Also, I’m thinking the lack of talking cars and/or slow-mo running scenes is a serious shortcoming.  We’ve already seen The Hoff try (and fail) to eat a cheeseburger and remain upright at the same time, so this show pony had best have some new tricks because I don’t have the patience to watch an old hairy dude sit around and drool on himself until somebody has him hospitalised for alcohol poisoning.  If I wanted to see that, I could just go visit my grandpa, who would at least give me money and let me colour on him with a Sharpie.

Maybe if they find The Hoff a job at a temp agency and we get to see him try to negotiate a new copy machine every week with a blood alcohol level of .814, then I might be interested.  Otherwise, Drunky McBarfs-a-lot and his parenting “skills” are of no interest to me.

The Cheeseburger Incident: