John Mayer is in the new issue of Rolling Stone, and he talks about how he’s not over Jennifer Aniston and his compulsive masturbation.  From OK!:

On his headline-making relationship, and subsequent split, with Jennifer Aniston, John confesses to Rolling Stone, ”I’ve never really gotten over it. It was one of the worst times of my life.”

He adds, “I have this weird feeling, a pride thing, for the people I’ve had relationships with. What would I be saying to Jen, who I think is f**ing fantastic, if I said to her, ‘I don’t dislike you. In fact, I like you extremely well. But I have to back out of this because it doesn’t arc over the horizon. This is not where I see myself for the rest of my life, this is not my ideal destiny.”

Continuing on this not-exactly-romantic path, John admits, “All I want to do now is f**k the girls I’ve already f**ked, because I can’t fathom explaining myself to somebody who can’t believe I’d be interested in them, and they’re going, ‘But you’re John Mayer!’ So I’m going backwards to move forward. I’m too freaked out to meet anybody else.”

So maybe it doesn’t come as a shock that John has resorted to a new level of self-gratification. “I am the new generation of masturbator,” he explains. “I’ve seen it all. Before I make coffee, I’ve seen more butt holes than a proctologist does in a week… I have masturbated myself out of serious problems in my life. The phone doesn’t pick up because I’m masturbating. And I have excused myself at the oddest times so as to not make mistakes. If Tiger Woods only knew when to jerk off. It has a true market value, like gold bullion.”

Gross.  John Mayer is funny-looking (he’s got droopy eyes and freaky disturbing eyebrows and his head is an odd shape and his lips are lumpy) so I can only imagine how many things are wrong with his douchebag dick, and yet he never stops running his mouth off about it.  He’s a self absorbed, unfunny tool shed.  I wish he’d stop talking and singing and breathing.  Just stop happening altogether, John Mayer.  Go away.