The National Enquirer was the first to report that former crack addict Whitney Houston had relapsed last week, but her performance in Brisbane, Australia over the weekend pretty much confirmed it. The Daily Mail says

The American star struggled through the opening night of her tour and was left breathless and exhausted after just two songs.

And even more bizarrely, the 46-year-old took a 20 minute break to catch her breath mid-way through the show, [leaving] the stage for twenty minutes [while] her brother Gary Houston [sang] in her absence.

“The singer appeared disoriented,” wrote the Australian Associated Press, “but the final act faltered at the finale when she croaked her way through I Will Always Love You, pausing to get a drink and towel herself down just as she was about to hit the song’s epic high note, which she turned into a soft coo.”

“Soft coo” is putting it nicely. After you watch the “performance” (and I use that term loosely) for yourself below, I think we can all agree “Gollum-esque death rattle” is a hell of a lot more accurate. You could hack an old crow to death with a garden hoe and get the same acoustic experience as being front row at that concert. The only difference is the crow wouldn’t require a half-hour smoke break or charge you a hundred and fifty bucks for the pleasure.