Megan Fox is Practically a Virgin

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Megan Fox might have done everything humanly possibly to be perceived as a sex symbol, but she insists in the April issue of Harper’s Bazaar that she’s not actually a dirty slut . The NY Daily News says

The “Transformers” star opened up to the U.K. edition of Harper’s Bazaar, revealing that she has only slept with two men – her current boyfriend, former “Beverly Hills, 90210″ star Brian Austin Green, and her “childhood sweetheart.”

“I can never have sex with someone that I don’t love, ever,” she reveals. “The idea makes me sick. I’ve never even come close to having a one-night stand.”

Well, I took it upon myself to write a user-friendly guide for determining the current market value on your puss, because surprisingly, no one had yet invented that. I call the “Abby Blue Book,” very reminiscent of the automotive industry’s Kelley Blue Book, only instead of mileage and condition of your car, we’re talking number of wieners you played pincushion to your freshman year of college. Long story short, I did the math, punched in all the variables and aftermarket accessories, and discovered that technically, Megan Fox still qualifies as a virgin. It seems that the Abby Blue Book fails to recognize high school sex as actual intercourse on the grounds that you were doing it all wrong and fumbly for all of three and a half minutes in the back of your mom’s minivan in a Burger King parking lot. More importantly, it also seems that the Abby Blue Book does not recognize Brian Austin Green as ever having a penis, instead listing him under the heading “douchenozzle.” So, anyway, congratulations, Megan Fox! My handy book and I just saved you a fortune on hymen-reconstruction surgery. Reserve your copy today!

10 Comments, Comment or Ping

  1. Jon

    If you believe this one I have a bridge in Brooklyn to sell you. I think she meant she’s only slept with 2 people, that morning.

  2. kenny

    sure…thats why you cant hold youre tongue inside youre mouth…you sad chick… make up youre mind youre like britney spears i’m a virgin i’m not i’m a girl i’m a women…blablabla

  3. Missing-the-point

    Can we set her on fire? I really hate this bitch.

  4. anony

    If she stays with BAG, she’ll always have a mediocre career because no one will ever be that interested in her.
    I’ll give her props for rejecting Michael Bay’s advances, though, just for the fact that the man has no talent whatsoever.

  5. Robert

    I don’t know what the hype is she’s really not THAT hot. There are much hotter woman in show biz. Maybe not as skanky looking but still way hotter.

  6. i guess she didn’t count all the blowjobs…

  7. Megan’s the hottest actress out there and it sounds like she has morals too.

  8. she can grace my big screen whenever she likes – hell, she’s even welcome for a tour of the projection room

  9. precious

    megan is super beautiful and sexy, she’s just a type of girl that saying the truth.

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