Lindsay Lohan has been coke-binging and compulsively shopping her way to Chapter 7-dom for the last four years, and now it’s come to light that she’s also thousands of dollars behind on her rent and staring down the barrel of eviction. Who knows — maybe she read Bizarro Dave Ramsey’s “How to Send Your Life Down the Shitter in Seven Easy Steps” and followed the instructions to the letter. Or maybe she’s just fucking retarded. According to Star Magazine:

The 23-year-old is $23,000 behind in rent on her Hollywood apartment, an insider [says]. “She’ll be evicted if she can’t pony up the cash. She’s [also] racked up more than $1 million in bills that creditors are demanding be settled immediately.”

Adding to her money woes, Lindsay is being sued by three men for a minimum of $25,000 in damages for allegedly hijacking their SUV while drunk in 2007.

Lindsay has resorted to selling off designer clothes, purses and jewelry that she received as freebies. Claims the insider, “She’s in complete financial ruin.”

Well, she’ll find a way to make it, even if it’s just by the hair of those chinny-chin-chins up there. Besides, you don’t need a roof over your head to suck a mean dick. Self-loathing and insecurity have kept my gag reflex suppressed for years.

Gisele Bundchen in lingerie because she only has one chin and 127,000 less miles on her: