Lindsay Lohan is probably going to miss her court hearing tomorrow, but of course, it’s not her fault. Nothing ever is. It’s the divergent tectonic plates of the mid-oceanic ridges. According to TMZ

Lindsay is in Cannes to promote her upcoming Linda Lovelace biopic. She must appear in court Thursday for her probation progress report hearing — she’s required to show because she has only completed 10 of the 13 required alcohol ed classes.

But sources say she can’t get a flight back to the States because of the volcanic ash from Iceland. Airports all over Europe are jam-packed and it’s impossible to get a seat.

If Lindsay doesn’t show, the judge will issue a bench warrant for her arrest.

I know that news of the aftermath of the volcano has been circulating for two months now, but how the hell would you expect her to know anything about it? It’s not like it’s erupting Stolichnaya and Astroglide or anything remotely pertinent to a Lohan. And besides, nobody wrote about it in Us Weekly or on the back of a pack of Parliament Lights, so you can’t expect her to have read about it, either. Call her when Nevado Del Ruiz in Colombia starts blowing cocaine and semen and credit cards that aren’t already over their limit. She’ll find a way to get across the Atlantic, I guaran-damn-tee it.

Piss-drunk Professional and whoring working in Cannes last night:

PHOTO SOURCE: Bauer-Griffin Online