The judge in Lindsay Lohan’s probation violation case just sentenced her to 90 days in jail, followed by 90 days in rehab. Who needs motherfucking Christmas in July now, bitches? Lindsay Lohan is actually going to jail! More details forthcoming. Stay tuned…

UPDATE: Here’s how it all went down: Initially, it looked like Lindsay was gonna walk again. The judge decided not to admit evidence that Lohan was boozing when her SCRAM bracelet went off last month at the MTV Movie Awards after party. But by late afternoon, the endless testimony about her blatant disregard for the court’s mandates and the judge’s recounting her history of lame excuses and outright lies, it was pretty obvious that Lindsay wasn’t going to come out of all this smelling like roses. Us Magazine says:

Before the judge read the sentence, a teary Lindsay gave a statement to the court and claimed she “did the best I could. It has been a long haul, and I don’t want you to think I don’t respect you. I was doing everything I was supposed to do with all my heart… I am not taking this as a joke — it is my life.”

However, the co-owner of the DUI school in which Lohan attended testified that the actress blew off seven alcohol education classes… [and] called the actress’ excuses “endless and disrespectful.” The reasons Lohan gave for being absent: she was making a movie or promoting a clothing line, she was traveling and couldn’t get on another flight, she was in court (she was actually in Cannes), her uncle had died (it was determined she did not attend his funeral).

But the judge wasn’t biting:

[Judge Marsha Revel sentenced] Lindsay Lohan to 90 days in jail: 30 days in jail for her first DUI arrest, 30 days for her second arrest and 30 days for reckless driving. After she is released, she will enter a 90-day inpatient rehab program.

As for when she will turn herself in and how long she will actually serve:

Lohan will surrender to authorities on July 20 and report to the Century Regional Detention Facility in Lynnwood, Calif. (where she spent 84 minutes in 2007).

A Los Angeles Sheriff’s Department spokesman says Lohan will be “kept away from the general jail population for the safety of everyone involved” [and] admitted it may be as little as 25 percent, or about 22 days (or even less), because of overcrowding and the fact that she did not commit a violent crime.

And there you have it. If you’ll excuse me now, I’m going to go eat my fucking hat.

Video of her being sentenced:

Enjoying freedom yesterday in L.A.: