Jessica Simpson Does Capri
Tags: bathing suit, bikini, cover up, dress, eric johnson, Jessica Simpson, photos, pictures
Here’s one I’m sure you can relate to — this one time I woke up in a frat house bathroom without any pants on. Now, your initial instinct in that situation is to set a small trash can fire as a distraction and bolt for the nearest exit once people start to panic, but seeing as how my lighter was in my pants, I had no choice but to attempt to fashion a makeshift loincloth out of the toilet seat cover. It wouldn’t stay up by itself, but as luck would have it, I found an old ace bandage under the sink that I was able to use to hold the seat cover in place by wrapping it between my legs and over my shoulders and back around my waist, sort of like a sumo wrestler’s diaper, except with suspenders. So why am I telling you all this? Because I’d rather be photographed in my compression-bandage/toilet-accessory ensemble than in that dress Jessica Simpson’s wearing in these pictures. The only way that thing could be more unflattering is if the word “DUMPY” were also cross-stitched across the bosom.
In Capri with Eric Johnson and twenty extra pounds:
PHOTO SOURCE: Bauer-Griffin
2 Comments, Comment or Ping
Syd
Why are cameras even following her?
Jul 13th, 2010
oh geez
Not saying that she should be stick-thin, but seriously, wearing that kind of dress makes her look twice as fat, with saggy boobs and bulging stomach. Disgusting.
Jul 24th, 2010
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