Caroline Wozniacki spanks Maria Sharapova. (Moe Jackson)

Victoria Beckham loses the “pob” and goes for vic-stensions. (Hollywood Rag)

Is Penelope Cruz preggers? More importantly, did I just use the word “preggers?” All signs point to yes! (Socialite Life)

Angelina Jolie is a Sith Lord! (Holy Moly!)

Amy Winehouse nip slip. (Evil Beet)

Karissa Shannon flosses her cooch with the American flag. I bet Betsy Ross just rolled over in her grave. (The Grumpiest)

Rihanna shows off her bikini bod in Hawaii. (CelebSlam)

Wyclef Jean accuses Sean Penn of doing cocaine. Sean Penn rebuts with something along the lines of “I don’t even know what cocaine is.” (CelebNewsWire)

James Franco admits to masturbating four or five times a day. I’m sure his mom is so proud right now. (Celebitchy)

Ever wanted to watch a chimpanzee raping a frog? Well, today is your lucky day, you fucking weirdo. (The Dirty)

Natalie Portman always looks beautiful on the red carpet. (Dirty Rotten Whore)

Adriana Sklenarikova makes me wish I was a communist. (UseMyComputer)

Emma Watson looking rather dykey in the EW Fall Preview guide. (Glamcrunch)

John Travolta suddenly decides to drop his extortion charges, and everyone says it’s because his gay affair was about to be revealed. (Anything Hollywood)

Ben Roethlisberger is rewarded for his firm commitment to not raping young girls this week. (Jezebel)

“Machete” blows, but not just because Lindsay Lohan doesn’t really get naked in it. (Pajiba)

It’s a Beyonce nipslip bonanza! (CityRag)