An ESPN makeup artist named Victoria Jackson is suing KISS rocker Gene Simmons for allegedly “raping her with her clothes on” back in August. Simmons, for his part, claims in his countersuit that he couldn’t have sexually assaulted her because he was wearing his KISS costume — “the equivalent of a suit of armor” — at the time. If I had a nickel for every time I’d been raped by a suit of armor… well, it’s the main reason I’m not allowed at the Museum of Natural History anymore. Radar Online says:

Jackson alleged in her assault suit that [Simmons] approached her, said “I like you” in “a lecherous and inappropriate manner,” and then “humped Plaintiff to the extent that she could feel his groin grinding into her. When he was done, Klein said, ‘Aw, that’s better! Now you can go.’”

Another ESPN employee has confirmed her allegations, testifying in a deposition that Simmons “entered the room in which Jackson was working, made a bee line straight for her and then started humping her.”

Simmons said in his deposition that he does not recall “hugging or even meeting Ms. Jackson… I would never do such a thing.’”

Just because he doesn’t recall hugging or meeting her doesn’t mean it didn’t happen. It’s called Alzheimer’s. Pretty soon you won’t know what day it is or what “bowel control” means either, Gene.

Sporting some bruises and bandages from his fall at LAX:

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures