The cops are investigating Lindsay Lohan for criminal battery today after she allegedly shoved a Betty Ford worker the night she went out boozing with her fellow satellite house mates. TMZ says:

Dawn Holland, who works as a chemical dependency technician at the Betty Ford Clinic, [says] just after 1 AM, Lindsay and two roommates came home… and jumped a wall, trying to get inside the place she was staying without being noticed.

Holland says security stopped the three women, and that’s when Lindsay became belligerent and started swearing up a storm.

Holland was called to do a breathalyzer on the 3 women, but Lindsay refused and then pushed her. Holland says she went back in the house and Lindsay called 911 on the house phone.

Lindsay confronted her again and ripped the phone out of her hand, causing a severe sprain which caused Holland to go out on workers’ comp.

Holland says she could smell alcohol on Lindsay’s breath.

But Lindsay’s version, of course, is slightly different:

Lindsay says she wasn’t even with her two roommates hours before the incident. Lindsay says she was out getting her hair done.

When she returned to the house, Holland grabbed her abruptly and pushed her so hard, Lindsay began to cry.

Lindsay says that’s when she went inside the house and called 911.

As for refusing to take a breathalyzer, Lindsay says she actually asked Holland to give her a test but Holland refused.

Lindsay claims there were not only witnesses that saw everything … there are surveillance cameras to prove her story.

The good news for Lindsay in all this is that Dawn Holland’s story is looking more and more shady (first she gets fired for violating patient confidentiality by talking to TMZ; and then it comes out that TMZ paid her $10,000 to talk to them in the first place; and then her former husband tells the press she is an “opportunistic gold-digger with a violent past”). The other good news for Lindsay is that she’s a celebrity and it’s L.A. So basically, it’s all good news. Just keep doing what you’re doing, Lindsay!

Olivia Wilde in Details magazine, because… honestly, do I even need to explain?: