Helena Bonham Carter always takes the cake for any red carpet worst dressed list out there, so I wasn’t going to vote her my Golden Globe Epic Fail winner. It’s a gimme, and gimmes are boring. But my hand was forced when I saw she was wearing two different shoes altogether. They aren’t even the same color. Now that’s the kind of commitment to fugly you generally only see in a Hot Topic or a gathering of the Juggalos. Let’s all raise a two-liter of Faygo and toast to the hideosity that is Helena Bonham Carter!

The rest of the Golden Globes fug (and there’s plenty!) after the jump.

Michelle Williams: it’s becoming more and more apparent why Heath Ledger killed himself.

Tilda Swinton: because who says “Sarah, Plain and Tall” doesn’t translate to the red carpet?

Maybe nobody told Jennifer Lopez it wasn’t her Quinceañera.

Christina Hendricks might want to look into having that growth removed.

I bet Leighton Meester arrived on horseback carrying two pails of milk. Because the Amish don’t like riding in cars or pasteurization, you see.

Anne Hathaway: and they said my warrior guild’s line of chain maille evening attire would never sell! In your face, Woman’s Wear Daily!

Heidi Klum must have had a date with Eric Foreman right after the Globes were over. Or a time machine back to 1974.

Christian Bale: What the fuck are you doing? Are you a professional or not? What the fuck is it with you? What the fuck don’t you understand? Give me a fucking answer. What don’t you get about it?

Julianne Moore’s dress might not win any awards, but it got Car & Driver’s top safety rating for its side airbags.

Oh, Natalie — I love you so much, and all you want to do is hurt me.

What’s eating Gilbert Grape? Apparently, Gabby Sidibe. P.S. I didn’t know you were allowed to bring your own snack to the Golden Globe Awards.

PHOTO CREDIT: Fame Pictures