Yeah, what the headline says. According to TMZ:

A hiatal hernia in his stomach — not an overdose — triggered the 911 call that landed Charlie in the hospital [early this morning].

The hernia located in Charlie’s stomach… causes acid and food to back up into the esophagus, [causing] “horrible, horrendous pain.”

Charlie will spend the night at the hospital.

So then this had nothing to do with it, then:

Charlie Sheen had a “briefcase full of cocaine” delivered to his home — and was using large amounts of the drug during the 36-hour bender that landed him in the hospital.

Sheen had 2 porn stars and several other women inside his home during the [two-day party] that started Tuesday night.

God knows you aren’t doing anything with your dick after downing a briefcase full of blow and two days’ worth of booze, so what the hell was he doing those last few hours? Oh, right — this:

[After] smoking cocaine continuously for hours, Charlie ended up in his theater room with one of the porn stars with whom he was partying. They watched 3 hours of porn as Charlie critiqued the action on the screen.

Charlie himself as a porn connoisseur. We’re told the porn star was “surprised” by the depth of Charlie’s knowledge.

You know, there’s a reason Grandma doesn’t snowboard and Superman isn’t a 55-year old man with full-blown cirrhosis. Charlie Sheen is too fucking old for this kind of shit. His liver can’t take much more. At this point, it’s got to be the size of a damn halibut. And it’s probably the same color and with almost as many teeth.