The rest of Demi Lovato’s sad feeling are written on her hands, instead of slashed into her wrists. Touching. (Gone Hollywood)

Shauna Sand before and after plastic surgery photos. I don’t know which is worse. (Celebrity Smack)

Jessica Lowndes is see-through, baby! (Celeb Slam)

Bret Easton Ellis says Glee is like “a puddle of HIV.” That’s just wrong. I think it’s more like a big steaming pile of HIV. (The Blemish)

Jennifer Aniston and Bradley Cooper have reportedly rekindled their romance. I honestly never knew they even had a romance, other than her pasting pictures of his head onto her Madame Alexander dolls and dancing with them to “Wonderful Tonight.” (Post Chronicle)

Ke$ha and Simon Rex pair up for a night of douchebaggery never before experienced by modern man. (Anything Hollywood)

The Kate Middleton jellybean is for sale! I bet it tastes like sovereignty and bulimia. (Agent Bedhead)

Ana Beatriz-Barros in a bikini and high heels for Mark Spencer, my new best friend of all time. (Moe Jackson)

The “Cowboys and Aliens” trailer is finally here. (Holy Moly!)

Nickelodeon’s resident hottie Victoria Justice in Seventeen magazine. (G Celeb)

A Julie Christie retrosextive, because pictures are timeless, and masturbating is forever. (CityRag)

John Galliano gets axed from his own label, and not because of his ridiculously tiny pencil mustache. That was probably just the icing on the cake. (Jezebel)

Jillian Michaels strips down to a bikini for Shape magazine. (Bitten & Bound)

Raicia Oliveira models bikinis for Heine. I assume that’s pronounced “hiney,” because it’s all I can think about when I see these pictures. (Hollywood Rag)

If you don’t like Gwyneth Paltrow, it’s because you’re lazy and bitter. Or maybe just because she says shit like that. Bitch. (Amy Grindhouse)

Reese Witherspoon says her Water for Elephants sex scene with Robert Pattinson was “disgusting.” He said the very same thing, but for different reasons. That’s a gay joke, in case you missed it. (Pop Crunch)

How to drink like a REAL man. I’m guessing nothing with umbrellas or pineapple garnish. (COED Magazine)