I could go the rest of my life without hearing the words “royal wedding” ever again, and hopefully I won’t have to after today, since Prince William and Kate Middleton were mercifully married in Westminster Abbey this morning. Of course, all anybody really cares about is the dress — who designed it, what it looked like, and how soon David’s Bridal can get their Malaysian sweatshops cranking out cheap imitations. People Magazine says:

Her Royal Highness the Duchess of Cambridge walked down the aisle at Westminster Abbey Friday morning in a stunning Alexander McQueen white v-neck wedding gown with a long-sleeved lace overlay [and a] two-meter train. Sister Pippa was also in McQueen.

The dress was made by hand, using French Chantilly lace and English Cluny lace throughout the bodice, skirt and underskirt. The skirt, made of ivory and white satin gazar, was designed to emulate an opening flower: padded at the hips, it flowed out to the floor. The back of the dress was finished with 58 gazar and organza covered buttons fastened by Rouleau loops.

Kate wore her brunette locks in cascading curls. She topped the look with a ivory silk tulle veil, which was trimmed with hand-embroidered flowers. It was held in place by a Cartier ‘halo’ tiara, lent to Kate by the Queen. She also wore diamond drop earrings by Robinson Pelham, a gift from her parents.

Well, for a fairytale wedding, it was kinda disappointing. Nobody slew a dragon or regained their voice from a manipulative octopus sea-witch. There were no singing mice and Prince Charming was bald, for God’s sake. I haven’t seen what they’re going to do for their reception, but I bet it includes taking a dump on Hans Christian Andersen’s grave.

Video of the first “royal kiss” after the jump: