Charlie Sheen’s character was killed off and Ashton Kutcher’s new character debuted on the season premiere of “Two and Half Men” last night. I doubt Charlie’s too worked up about it, though, since he just signed a settlement agreement with Warner Brothers to the tune of $125 million dollars. That’s a lot of hookers and cocaine any way you slice it. As for Ashton’s introduction, the Daily Mail says:

After taking the lid off the urn [containing Charlie's ashes], [Jon Cryer's character] makes his way towards the deck but is startled by Ashton Kutcher standing in the window, causing him to throw the ashes all over the carpet.

Enter Walden Schmidt – a billionaire whose wife dumped him causing him to attempt suicide in the ocean before ending up soaking wet on the deck of Alan Harper’s Malibu beach house.

Within a short period of time Walden, aka Ashton, has stripped out of his wet clothes and is standing completely naked in the living room.

The two men, having bonded over the women who dumped them, decide to go out for drinks where they manage to pick up a couple of women to bring back to the house.

However in true fashion, Alan gets left behind and Walden gets both ladies to himself.

He then agrees, whilst hilariously still naked, that he is going to buy the house.

The Daily Mail doesn’t have to tell me the show’s hilarious. That’s what the canned laughter is for. People don’t want to have to think about whether something is funny. Thinking is hard. They want to be led by the nose and prodded with verbal cues. If other people are laughing, then it must be funny. And look! Ashton Kutcher’s naked, which is causing Jon visible discomfort! Ha ha, it’s pure comedy gold!

Watch the full episode here; a couple of clips from last night’s Comedy Central Roast of Charlie Sheen after the jump.