Brett Ratner’s douchebaggery is rivaled only by Michel Bay’s and Olivia Munn barely qualifies as D-list, but none of the other celebrity gossip had shrimp masturbation in them, so we’re going with these two.

For those of you unaware, it seems Olivia Munn wrote in her memoir (Olivia Munn has a memoir?) that she once saw a famous Hollywood director holding his “undersized manhood” while eating shrimp, and Brett Ratner finally confirmed that it was in fact his undersized manhood that she was referencing in the book. Entertainment Weekly says:

While he did admit on G4′s Attack of the Show yesterday that he was the subject of the passage [from Munn's memoir], he’s claiming that none of it’s true.

“I used to date Olivia Munn … when she was Lisa,” said Ratner of Munn, née Lisa Munn. “That was the problem. She wasn’t Asian back then.”

But Ranter didn’t stop there: “I banged her a few times … but I forgot her,” he said. “Because she changed her name … I didn’t know it was the same person. So when she came and auditioned for me for a TV show, I forgot her, she got pissed off and she made up all these stories about me eating shrimp and masturbating in my trailer. And my shortcomings. She talked about my shortcomings. I get it. She’s bitter.”

He doesn’t even bother arguing the tiny dick part — he just wants you to know he doesn’t masturbate with prawns. Tell me, what’s the fucking point of making that distinction? Honestly, anything after a euphemism for your tiny penis might as well have been written in Klingon and Tolkien Elvish.

Olivia in a bikini on the set of “Magic Mike” last month:

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures