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2013 Sports Illustrated Calendar Preview

There’s a Union Jack-off joke in here somewhere, but it’s Monday and I’m too hungover to find it. And anyway, I don’t think it’d be too much to ask for you to step up to the plate and do your part around here once in a while. I can’t always be expected to carry the load. One day I’m not gonna be around anymore, and where will you get your dick jokes then? If I’m always giving you the fish, you’ll never learn to catch one on your own. This is a big day of personal growth for you.

Cinitia Dicker (I’m contractually obligated to say, “Dicker? I barely know her!” ever time I mention her name), Alyssa Miller, and Jessica Gomes in a little taste from next year’s SI calendar (get a patriotic shirt half-shirt like Jessica’s from Asos here):