Emma Watson in a bikini! Showicus Yourtittiosas! No, that never gets old. (The Blemish)

Exclusive Scarlett Johansson nude photos! (CelebJihad)

Why the hell is Michael Phelps wearing a floral print ruffled Speedo? (Socialite Life)

Lisa Rinna bikini pics that aren’t disgusting. (Hollywood Rag)

Angelina Jolie has the most massive forehead vein I have ever seen on a woman. I’m talking girth, length, everything. (Holy Moly)

Miranda Kerr topless photos, because I’m a giver. (The Superficial)

Leann Rimes leaves her husband for Jesus! (Dlisted)

Hands-down, the most disgusting Madonna’s arms have ever looked. (WIMB)

Katherine Heigl’s new movie is “tedious, dull, predictable, poorly written, awfully directed, chemistry-free and written by three women born with a flaccid penis inside of their otherwise empty cranium.” Trust. (Pajiba)

Lindsay Lohan, or Rachel Zoe’s ghost? (CelebNewsWire)

Jennifer Lopez looks like a fat frumpy frog in these pictures. (UseMyComputer)

Mena Suvari, on the other hand, have abs that could have been chiseled by Adonis himself. (Celebrity Odor)

Super sexy Victoria’s Secret model Izabel Goulart in August 2009 Vogue Hommen. (MoeJackson)

Kendra Wilkinson uncensored topless screen shots from her new show! (Dirty Rotten Whore)

The Miss March Playmates invade Comic-Con. (COED Magazine)

See Hammy the Hamster’s daredevil motorcycle jump! (omg blog)

Miss California Carrie Prejean offered a Biblically correct $1 million paycheck to do porn. (Celebrity Odor)

What’s more disgusting than a picture of Debra Messing in a bikini? Twenty pictures of Debra Messing in a bikini. (CelebSlam)

Rihanna steps out in a corset made from a straight jacket. (Dirty Rotten Whore)

Like mother, like daughter — a salute to the hottest mom-daughter combos in Hollywood! (Mr. Skin)

Angeline Jolie fucked her mom’s boyfriend! (CelebNewsWire)

Gisele Bundchen’s face looks a little beat, but her tits in that dress are fantastic. (Bastardly)

Do you really need an excuse to see pictures of FHM’s Sexiest Woman in the World Megan Fox? (Glamzilla)

Lindsay Lohan does Marilyn Monroe… again. (Holy Moly)

Show-down: Amy Poehler vs Bob Saget! (pajiba)

Arnold Schwarzenegger’s trying to convince California to legalize marijuana! Let’s all rejoice with a toke. (Websters)

Taraji P. Henson resurrects the ghericurl. (Jezebel)

Kate Gosselin finally speaks out to defend her marriage on the Today Show. (Socialite Life)

Lindsay Lohan busted leaving Samantha’s house after a “sleepover.” Wink, wink! (Bricks and Stones)

Smoldering Alessandra Ambrosio shoot for Brazil Men’s Vogue. (UseMyComputer)

Justin Timberlake, Kate Moss, and Marc Jacobs get it on in the new issue of Vogue. (CelebWarship)

Hot Kim Kardashian girl-on-girl scene! (Socialite Life)

You saw her trout pout; now check out Jessica Simpson’s other lips in these upskirt pics from the same night. (Bastardly)

Kirsten Dunst in a see-through skirt. Somebody hold me. (UseMyComputer)

Mariah Carey says she’s not fat or pregnant — it’s the dress’ fault! (Websters)

Angelina Jolie kicks Jennifer Aniston’s ass Vanity-Fair-style. (Celebitchy)

Another reason to love Paul Rudd besides Sex Panther. (Best Week Ever)

Keira Knightley hates the internet and for all intents and purposes, you. (Holy Moly)

Hilary Swank, Christina Aguilera, and Lindsay Lohan nipple mania in this stellar collection of celebrity see-throughs! (CityRag)

Catherine Bell, naked in four different movies! (Mr. Skin)

Mischa Barton and Mary Kate Olsen’s eyes signal a lustful hunger for human flesh. (WIMB)

Here’s something you don’t see every day—Royal Weiner. (Hollywood Grind)

Chyna looks particularly girthy with a large dose of fug. (Celebslam)

NY Times runs a piece on Angelina’s press manipulation. Ouch! (Celebitchy)

People’s Sexiest Man Alive issue will include scratch-n-sniff! I think I just wet myself. (Mollygood)

Free 20 oz. Dr. Pepper in honor of Guns N Roses long-awaited Chinese Democracy album! (Seriously? OMG!)

Either Papa Joe has punched Jessica Simpson in the kisser, or she’s had some work done. (Anything Hollywood)

They’re not even married and already Sam and Lindsay need couples’ counseling. (GabbyBabble)

Kristen Stewart looking like a boy with mono on the cover of Teen Vogue. (Go Fug Yourself)

Jennifer Aniston makes the mistake of deeming Angelina Jolie “uncool” in the upcoming issue of Vogue magazine over comments Angie made about her and Brad’s burgeoning relationship in a Vogue interview last year. The NY Daily News says

Jennifer Aniston wishes Angelina Jolie could have just kept her trap shut.

“What Angelina did was very uncool,” Aniston declares. “There was stuff printed there that was definitely from a time when I was unaware that it was happening,” says Aniston about how Jolie gushed about the excitement of seeing her then married “Mr. and Mrs. Smith,” co-star Pitt everyday. “I felt those details were a little inappropriate to discuss.”

Jennifer Aniston calling Angelina Jolie “uncool” is like Strom Thurmond calling Miley Cyrus “old.” And for the record, Strom Thurmond has been fucking dead for five years. You do the math.

Angelina at the Kung Fu Panda DVD release party November 10th:

Lee Lee boo-bie! (UseMyComputer)

Burt Reynolds presents: expression-free banality, shitty sunglasses, porn mustaches and a father telling her daughter she’s not allowed to whore herself out anymore. Sounds just like my sophomore year of high school! (Pajiba)

Mischa Barton takes the next logical step in her career — taking her top off. (Jossip)

I guess swallowing semen for a living really hasn’t paid off for Jenna Jameson in the looks department. (CelebFart)

Harrison Ford gets his chest waxed for charity. (Dlisted)

Julianne Moore looks like a much younger Lindsay Lohan! Maybe it’s the exposed nipples. (Fatback)

Tina Fey gets groped by her best friend’s husband. (Websters)

Angelina Jolie finally breaks out of the black. (I’m Not Obsessed)

Christina Ricci raped by an ape! No, not Jeremy Piven. A real, bonafide primate. (Bumpshack)

Mariah Carey somehow convinced New York to light up the Empire State Building pink in her honor. (Celebitchy)

A noticeably NOT pregnant Ashlee Simpson on the cover of Shape magazine. (The Bastardly)

Angelina Jolie opens up about her relationship with Brad Pitt for the first time ever in next month’s issue of Vogue magazine. She says,

“Brad was a huge surprise to me. I, like most people, had a very distant impression of him from…the media. I am just as guilty! We push each other to be better. Even if it’s just a better bike rider or a better pilot. We’re constantly in competition with each other. He’s somebody I admire based on the way he lives his life. And that’s why I’m with him. [He is] the person closest to me.

[We] found this strange friendship and partnership that kind of just suddenly happened [on the set of Mr. & Mrs. Smith.] I think a few months in I realized, God, I can’t wait to get to work. Whether it was shooting a scene or arguing about a scene or gun practice or dance class or doing stunts - anything we had to do with each other, we just found a lot of joy in it together and a lot of real teamwork. Life developed in a way where we could be together, and where it felt like something we would do, we should do.”

That’s just about the most convincingly selfless reason for breaking up a marriage I’ve ever heard. Seriously, Angie missed her calling as a defense attorney. “Your honor, my client has raped, pillaged, and murdered, but he did it in the name of his children! Children plucked from war-torn third-world poverty. And look me in the face when I’m speaking to you. No, I mean directly in the eyes. I said look at me! I’m fucking gorgeous! Could anything other than truth escape these pillowy lips?” And of course the judge would bashfully smile and dismiss the case in the hopes of concealing the massive boner he had under his robe. American justice, baby! You just can’t beat it.